PDA

View Full Version : Gotta love 'em



W123 x 2
11th January 2007, 07:11 AM
I pinched this off the Ozbenz forum and there sems to be many Benz owners here, so enjoy :)

Diesel Mercedes are much like the French they are easy to ridicule and poke fun at yet somehow you still love them and have a soft spot for them.


How to tell if your Mercedes is a diesel...


How to tell if your Mercedes-Benz is a diesel:

1. While driving, you find that you really look forward to going downhill.

2. You need a more powerful radio – not to be cool, but just to hear it over the engine clatter.

3. You drive very carefully and defensively - you have learned that your car has “same-day throttle response�?.

4. You begin to suspect that your entire car runs on vacuum.

5. Your car inexplicably veers towards the exit when you drive by a truck stop.

6. Your hands are always various shades of black.

7. You look in the rear view mirror frequently, to see how much black smoke you are putting out today.

8. When you buy fuel, the pump is always “around back�?, away from “normal�? people.

9. Someone mentions actor Allen Alda, and you think they are talking about the wrench you use to adjust fuel ratios.

10. The parts guy at Mercedes stealership has been over to your house for dinner.

11. Instead of “flooring it�?, you tend to say “all ahead flank!�?.

12. You are the only person in the neighborhood who think your car exhaust smells good.

13. You know where the cheapest diesel fuel station is.

14. Friends often hear you speak of Diesel Purge, MPG, smoking/fogging somebody at night, or bragging about that rare opportunity to race the local bus!

15. your grandmother thinks your car is cool.

16. If u are seen in parking lots, dumping all manner of things into the tank filler, and they arent diesel fuel......

17. you keep a few coat hangers in the trunk 'to fix
stuff with'

18. There is an electrical cord running from your hood to the house each winter.

19. Your car has a reputation among tailgaters as being the one NOT to tailgate.

20. No matter what color your car is or how often you wash it, the left corner always looks black.

21. your car 'marks its spot' everywhere you park yet 'never burns a drop of oil' !

22. you tell your back seat passengers 'don't even try to open the windows, they haven't worked in 15 years''.

23. if something is wrong it will likely 'self heal' within a short time.. say a year..!

24. People are always saying how delicious your exhaust smells if you're running WVO.

25. it makes an awfull lot of noise so you can't order drive through hamburgers.

26: Your trunk lid and bumper are covered in black soot.

27. Everytime you fuel up, the attendant comes out and says "Sir, thats the diesel pump"

28: During the winter, you find yourself borrowing other people's car, just so you dont have to wait for yours to warm up

29: You can go at least 500 miles without refueling

30: Your engineering friends refer to the throttle linkage as "something out of my last Dynamics exam" or "the reason why the Germans lost WW2"

31: Your girlfriend tells you "I cant believe you still drive that thing"

32. You can leave your engine running while filling up and pi** off the cashier.

33. You get to use cool words like: “prechamber,�? “banjo bolt,�? and “wastegate.�?

34. The guys at the tire shop don’t know how to turn your engine off.

35. Yours is the only running car once an EMP bomb goes off. Hybrids will literally be fresh meat.

36. A battery dying out on you while you're on the road will not leave you stranded.

37. Once all the petroleum in the world runs out, you'll know you've got waste veggie oil to fuel your car. It will run forever!

38. In certain areas, you don't need a smog/emissions test.

39. You can drive cross-country on a single tank of fuel, and perhaps back.

40. Replacing the shut of mechanism may be catastrophic!

41. The only spark your car ever has is when it's freshly detailed!

42. When people ask its 0-60 time you just laugh

43. If someone asks how many miles it has you reply (in my case 228k) and they are amazed and we just shrug "she's still getting broken in"

44. When you pull up next to a 1968 200D, you see an oppurtunity to finally win a race.

45. The best races are against minivans loaded with kids going to the park...and its always a close race.

46. your honda friends think their accord with 70k is rock-solid reliable(when its in a shop for cv joints....) and call you for a ride in the car they once called an unreliable money pit.

47. you know its parts better than those of your partner.

48. When you drive another car you grind the start because you cant hear or feel the engine

49. You start speed up before LONG before hills

50. You turn the key to the on position for a few seconds before actually cranking the engine.

51. If its still running.

52. You walk in the store and come back out to your car and the engine was left running the whole time.

53. You tell people you floor it at every green light, but you don't tell them it's a slow car.

53. Everytime you get behind the wheel of your friends gasser, she asks "what are you waiting for" when you turn on the key and wait to start the car.

54. You stare at your gasoline cars tachometer and try like hell to figure out what time it is.

55. You are irrationally proud of your high mileage, and have actually thought about adjusting your odometer up to a really big number.

56. You have a hand pump in the engine!

57. Noisy cars don't bother you anymore.

58. You know if a diesel is coming near you just by the sound.

59. You can make cars' alarms go off in a covered parking lot (well, mine does if I step 1/4 on the pedal).

Captain Echidna
11th January 2007, 10:33 AM
All a petrols cars problems lead to it not running. Some problems on a diesel lead to it not stopping! (missed my last staff meeting to go home to stop the merc for the wife)

And if you get out of your merc diesel and into a petrol car (especially if its a powerful petrol one) your first take off as you normally do (foot planted) is a spectacle!

David
11th January 2007, 04:24 PM
This is all so true its both very funny AND very scary. The first 3 things on the list hold especially true for me.
These ones also have special significance.....




30: Your engineering friends refer to the throttle linkage as "the reason why the Germans lost WW2"


That is EXACTLY what a friend of mine who is an engineer said when he was giveing me a hand working on my car just over a week ago! He used the term in refrence to several things but also added that he would rather work on my Merc than on the Alfa he owned





42. When people ask its 0-60 time you just laugh


Actually when I quote my 0-60 KM/H time, people assume its the 0-60 MPH (100Km/H) time I'm telling them and they still think it's slow!




49. You start speed up before LONG before hills


Oh yeah! You have to keep those revs up or it dies right in the butt. You get a strage looks from drivers you pass at the bottom of the hill att 110K when they pass you a km or so up the road when your doing 40K and have the pedal to the metal.




58. You know if a diesel is coming near you just by the sound.

I did that just the other day! I was walking through a carpark and heard a diesel rattle up, err, I mean start up and immeadietly looked around to see what make of car it was.

When I pull up at the lights my kids can identify whether the car next to us is a diesel or a petrol car by its engine sound and then stick their heads out the window if its a diesel to see if they can get a whiff to see if it's another bio mobile.



59. You can make cars' alarms go off in a covered parking lot (well, mine does if I step 1/4 on the pedal).

This is a very old one for me. Been doing it for years on my Harley and had a few people have a go at me for it. It tell them their alarms are supposed to detect movement of the vehicle not the soundwaves around it. I also tell them if their alarms were adjusted properly and were'nt set to overly sensitive neurotic level, they wouldn't have a problem.

Why is it the people with these paranoid alarm systems often have them on cars that no self respecting thief would be interested in stealing in the first place???