Joke of the day

[Captaincademan]

"Why did the scarecrow win an award???"

haha - your gunna love this.....


"because he was outstanding in his field!!!!"

snigger snort.........

[SUZUDDIS]

ok here goes
"The fight we had last night was my fault"
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

There are lots but I think I'd offend someone on this planet by saying them.

Michael

[smithw]

i know what you mean.
I bought my wife the a book "things a monkey could cook".....

[tillyfromparadise]

If a man is standing in the middle of a forest and there is no one around, if he says something is he still wrong?

[Captain Echidna]

So the idot goes into spares at his local dealership and says "I need a part for my engine, its part #710. The guy behind the counter says part numbers dont have three digits, it cant be 710. the bloke said "nah it was on my engine, but I forgot to put it back on. I will draw it, so he drew the part and as he wrote 710 on it the guy on the other side of the counter laughed and said "thats not 710, its upside down thats the OIL filler cap!"

[Captaincademan]

Things to ponder:

- Why did Kamakazi pilots wear helmets?

- Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

- If Nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

- Why is it, whether you sit up or down, the result is the same?

- Is there another word for thesaurus?




and a really deep thought:

Is the colour orange named after the fruit of the same name, or is the fruit named after the colour? Which came first? the fruit or the colour?

[smithw]

If a man is standing in the middle of a forest and there is no one around, if he says something is he still wrong?

I heard this one before but it was worded differntly
If a man speaks in a forest and no woman hears him is he still wrong?

[froggo]

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring alcohol

[SUZUDDIS]

Cade it's not really one word but I believe Synonym-Finder is another word for Thesaurus.

If a Parsley farmer is sued does he have his wages garnished ????

If a stealth bomber crashed in a forest would it make any noise ??

An I think we all went to the same joke site ......hahahhahahahaha

and then there's the one about the Closet Claustrophobic !!!!!!!

[Captaincademan]

You went to a joke site?????

Cheater.